


But that's where The Demon lives

by TitaniumKitten



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Mention of DIY Surgery and Dermatological Issues, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6638827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TitaniumKitten/pseuds/TitaniumKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sami Zayn is sure that the bump on Finn's back is something that needs to get looked at. But by a doctor, not by an almost 7 foot tall exorcist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dahdeemohn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahdeemohn/gifts).



> Complete and utter crack!fic. Heavily inspired by a tumblr conversation started by dahdeemohn regarding a bump they saw on Finn Balor's back at a recent NXT event. Spiraled out of control into a discussion of how WWE wrestlers would handle dermatological issues meshed with the supernatural. Huge thanks to dahdeemohn for editing this story and being an all around awesome person. Any mistakes are mine. This is my first ever fanfiction. Please be kind.

Finn's gimmick has always made Sami Zayn oddly uncomfortable. He normally likes supernatural gimmicks, he knows they aren't real; for goodness sake, he saw the Undertaker and Kane backstage at WrestleMania, and even though one is called the Phenom and the other is billed as literally from Hell, they are just men. Scary, imposing men, but men nonetheless. Obviously demons don't exist.

The first time he saw it was at the Dallas Takeover show, on April Fools’ Day of all days, as he and Finn were getting undressed in the locker room.

"Hey Finn, you've got a...bump..." he gestures towards it, and Finn angles his body in one of the locker room mirrors to inspect it. "Should get a trainer to look at that."

“But that’s where The Demon lives,” Finn says with utter seriousness. Sami laughs awkwardly.

The next time Sami saw the...bump...was at a house show. Juggling between NXT and the main roster was both exhilarating and tiring, which must be why he thought he saw the bump...move? He felt weird about how much he stared at it. He had almost started thinking of it as it's own entity, separate from Finn. But that was silly. The bump was ON his friend, so he was just looking AT his friend. He shook his head. Dean was supposed to be the crazy one. The thing seemed to be growing bigger and he told Finn that he really should have the trainers look at it. It could be cancer or something.

Sami can't stop thinking about it. He checked out WebMD and is pretty sure it's a lipoma. He's looked at a couple strangely compelling videos on YouTube on how to remove them. He already knows Dean likes YouTube surgery videos and thinks that he's getting crazier than Ambrose by the day. They are unlikely friends, but Dean's frantic energy can be captivating. 

Almost as captivating as the lipoma. 

Why can't he stop thinking about it?!

It comes to a head after the London SmackDown tapings. Dean is pissed at their loss and punches a locker before heading to the showers. Sami follows. He needs a shower too, and hopefully he can talk Dean down. Sami racks his brain, trying to think of something to get Dean's mind off of Jericho being a raging douchebag.

"Um...so you know Finn has this like...weird lump on him. I think it's a lipoma and the idiot won't have a doctor look at it. Removal would probably make an interesting YouTube video, though."

Dean perks up. "Oh yeah? You've been watching those couple surgery videos I emailed you? Fuckin' gross but awesome, right? A...what did you call it? Lipnoma?"

"Lipoma. It’s a fatty tissue deposit under the skin."

Dean laughs. "I think I cut one of those outta Drake back in CZW days. Nasty looking."

"You...you cut one out of Drake...like...NXT ref Drake?"

"Yup. Bled like a motherfucker. Probably because we were both wasted at the time." Dean snickers.

"Uh, well...Finn said it's where The Demon lives" Sami chuckles.

"Really?" rumbles a low voice, and Sami turns to see that Baron Corbin, who was in the corner shampooing his hair, has sidled closer to them and is listening intently.

"Yeah," Sami replies hesitantly. "Told Finn we needed a dermatologist AND an exorcist."

"I'm an exorcist," says Baron nonchalantly, like it's the most normal thing in the world.

"Really...?"

"Yes," Baron beams proudly. “I’m certified and everything."

Sami laughs. "Good for you. Didn't know you were into that sort of thing."

"The occult is nothing to laugh about, Sami," Baron scolds. "I thought it was just a lame gimmick, but if he really is possessed, Finn needs help."

"I'll, uh, keep you in mind." Sami finishes his shower quickly, eager to escape the conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

He should have never texted Finn about Baron's comment. Finn is now whole-heartedly intent in having the exorcism performed, although he keeps mistakenly calling it a séance; meanwhile Baron keeps talking about setting it up once they get stateside and how "the dark forces" will "crumble" against his "knowledge of the profane". The constant occult chatter is giving Sami a headache.

Sami should have never snapped at Baron and told him to just talk to Finn about the exorcism. Now that they are back in the US, Corbin has decided it's time for action. Sami's not sure why he asked Dean to tag along, but he figures he'll at least have one person on his side. Baron gives him his hotel room number and tells Sami to come over in the evening as he needs "time to prepare the ritual space".

It's 6 o'clock when Sami pulls up to the hotel. Dean is happily shoving Burger King fries into his mouth as the red head knocks on the door. The door slowly opens and a tall, hooded figure with a crown on it's head stands ominously in the doorway. Dean spits half masticated fries from his mouth as Sami's jaw drops. Are those...Gregorian chants playing in the background?

"Sweet crown, dude. Are those real antlers?" Dean asks as he pushes past the imposing figure.

"Yeah, they are. Awesome, isn't it?" says the hooded figure, who turns out to be Baron. Sami walks into the room after Dean. He notes the curtains are closed and that there is a large red circle outlined on the carpet. He wonders if the hotel is going to charge Baron with damages. The edge of the circle is covered with mystical signs and sigils. Bowls of incense (is that patchouli?) send out small clouds of fragrance and candles light the room. A fog machine quietly whirs. Zayn notes the nightstand is where iPod and speakers have been set up from which the Gregorian chants flow. He then spots Finn, who is sitting in the middle of the circle and looking completely pleased with himself.

Sami tries one more time. "Baron...it's a lipoma." 

"Don't listen to him, Baron, continue the séance." Finn grins while he waves a dismissive hand in Sami’s direction. Meanwhile, Dean takes interest in the fog machine and starts whistling the Undertaker's theme, walking extremely slowly and pretending to take a hat off of his head.

Baron huffs in annoyance and gives them all a glare. "This isn't a séance! It's an exorcism. I was ordained, I’m the only one here with the expertise to rid ourselves of a situation of this magnitude! Please take this a little more seriously, we are dealing with spirits."

Dean stuffs some more fries in his mouth. "Ok, padre. What do you want us to do?"

Baron positions Dean and Sami around the outside of the circle, having them kneel, and Sami looks particularly worried when he notices Baron pick up a small sword and a couple bowls filled with ingredients.

"Let us begin..." Baron intones.

"Uh, Baron...what is that sword for?" Sami questions.

"The demon may need a sacrifice. It's just in case. Just keep kneeling and concentrate your mind on the eradication of evil."

"Just in case?" Sami squeaks. But it's too late now to stop it now, he's in too deep already. He closes his eyes, hoping that the evening doesn't end in blood. Baron starts chanting, and Sami can’t say for sure, but it sounds like Latin. Dean starts whistling the Undertaker's theme again.

"DEAN!" Baron practically roars. "I'm trying to do an exorcism and if you don't all concentrate it won't work. I am highly skilled at this. I have a DEGREE for fuck’s sake!"

"It's a lipoma," Dean says with relish. "I can cut it out with my pocket knife, and then we can go down to the hotel bar and get drunk instead of listening to you drone on. The fog machine is cool, though."

"NO!" Finn, Sami and Baron yell, all for different reasons.

"I got a degree, too! Can get that thing cut out by Dr. Dean." Dean huffs, which makes Sami groan and in contrast delights Finn so much he practically claps his hands in glee.

"You're a doctor?" Finn earnestly asks.

"Yup!"

He and Finn start an involved conversation about academics and Sami sighs again, turning to Baron, who now looks livid and is gripping the ceremonial sword tightly.

"Uh...Baron? You ok?" Zayn asks.

Baron grits his teeth. "DEAN! WE NEED TO DO THE EXORCISM! DON'T...!"

But it's too late, as Dean has crossed the protection circle and is SITTING in the middle of it with Finn, now trading stories about their various wrestling injuries and encounters with doctors.

"THE RITUAL IS RUINED! Corbin shrieks. "AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, AMBROSE!"

Dean gets up from his seat in the circle and right into Baron’s personal space, sneering as he spats, "Look, it’s a fucking lipoma. Finn might agree to let me take it out with my knife."

"Nooo," Sami weakly groans, in a state of disbelief that any of this is actually happening.

"Don't worry, Sami. I can disinfect the blade with the flame from my lighter." Dean offers, his voice sympathetic. Sami glances over at Finn, who is looking entirely too pleased with himself. Baron seems to loose his last shred of composure and lifts the sword to point at Dean, who backs up a foot. 

"How dare you!" Baron yells, his face turning red. Dean narrows his eyes and pulls his knife from his jeans pocket. Flicking it open, he points it at Baron.

"Imma doctor. I'm the most qualified for this lipnoma!"

"Lipomaaa..." Sami wails quietly, his head in his hands, and Finn giggles.

Dean marches towards Baron, herding him closer to the hotel room door, snarling, "You better put that sword thing away unless you're planning to actually use it..."

Baron waves the sword awkwardly. Apparently proficient use of it was not part of his degree requirements. They circle each other and Sami lets loose a hysterical bark of laughter. It almost reminds him of an old Star Trek episode, when Kirk and Spock engaged in the Vulcan ritual battle.

"Guys..." Sami starts, holding up his hands in a placating manner, but Corbin interrupts him.

"I have a degree in occult sciences from Abraham College and I will NOT be insulted by the likes of you!" Baron jabs his sword at Dean, who jabs back with his smaller knife.

"Wait, Abraham College?" Dean pauses. "AbrahamCollege.com?"

Baron glares. "Yes! How did you know?"

"That's where I got my doctorate in medicine."

"Well obviously a degree in occult sciences is much more helpful in this situation." Baron snorts.

"Yeah right" Dean counters, swiping his knife at Baron again. Sami is staring concernedly at them, debating whether or not he should step in or maybe discreetly call 911, and doesn't really notice the shift in the room behind him.

"While this has been absolutely hilarious, Finn doesn't really want you two to hurt yourselves," a new voice, deep and primal, echoes.

"W-wwhat?" Sami gasps as he turned. How on earth did Finn manage to put on his full "demon" makeup while he was watching Dean and Baron squabble? Baron and Dean freeze, turning to stare as well.

"Furthermore, I quite enjoy this host, and would much prefer to extend my stay. Finn's hungry. Going to get some Burger King." Balor waves his hand and the door to the hotel room opens.

"F-Finn?" Sami squeaks. No, this can't be Finn...this is decidedly NOT Finn.

"Close enough!" Not Finn says pleasantly, walking towards the open door. When he reaches the two former combatants he leans towards Dean and stage whispers. “He drew the devil's trap wrong.”  
Dean's face, formerly frozen in shock, shifts into a gigantic grin and he folds his arms over his chest, looking at Baron smugly.

"I-I don't understand" Sami stutters, and Not Finn turns back towards him. The face morphs and suddenly it's not some terrifying supernatural creature standing in the doorway, instead it’s his friend. 

"I told you that's where the demon lives." Finn says brightly, stepping out into the hallway. The door shuts behind him.


End file.
